so like today right, i was on the train and this random asian dude hops on and he like turns the chair in front of me over and like sits down. then he starts blabbing on about the world and how everything isnt fair and that he doesnt give a fuck if they chuck him back into jail or not and that everyones a greedy bastard. it was kinda sad listening to him ramble on about nothing. he had no care in the world, didnt give half a shit about what others thought about him or what he said. it was kinda scary, but SOME of what he said was kinda true.

everyone in their right mind, has some greed in them. no matter how much we try to deny it, we all want something. and what is wanting something, its greed. all we need in life is to get what we NEED, those stupid things we call wants are fucking stupid. half the things and shit we think we need are all fucking wants. alrights, maybe some of it, you might need to survive or you'll go totally nuts and like flip like a total weirdo, but still. everyones different and what we want and need differs.

people is something i need. alright, that might sound totally weird, but imagine a world without people, i personally think i would go totally and uterly crazy! but then again, thats just me. and what am i in this world? one tiny little spec that is worth pretty much nothing compared to the insanity and humungousness of the world. but then again, why do we ignore the fact that we're given people? so we're all born into this world right, came out of our mummy, made by mummy and daddy, but then what happened? we grew up and met people. we call these people our friends, our family, our mates .. you catch my drift. but what are we meant to do with these people? well, i love these people :) im not sure what you do, but i love and cherish them. maybe im a weirdo for doing that cause right now, thats what it looks like to me. i love them, but what do i get back in return. a slap across the face pretty much. why do we care, if we never get anything back. yeaah, it hurts when you actually give a shit about someone, but they just stare you in the face and they see nothing.

but then, what the fuck is love? like seriously, i have no idea. boys like girls, girls like boys, sometimes boys even like boys and girls even like girls :O no way right! but what is all this nonsense? they call it love. dont ever tell me you love me, if you like me, have no idea what it means. i dont give a fuck how much you think you "love" me, it means nothing to me, unless you show it to me. but then, sometimes you have to tell people that you dont love them in the same way. now im really confused, apparently there are different ways to love people now. so you have the, family love, the boygirl love, the friendship love, andd i have no idea what other love you have. but i think, we all deep down, know what love is. no matter how hard it is to understand, we all do.

someone tell me what the truth is, please? you say one thing, and i say the other. which ones true and which isnt? i dont even know anymore. but thats life. you have to figure out these stupid things for yourself.

i try my best to keep you happy :) i smile, even when i dont want to. but you dont even like see me at all, dude all of us are here to help you out, whenever you need it! no joke. but you dont seem to realise that we actually care. and that maybe, just maybe, we're some of those people you meet in life that turn out to be ones that love you and care enough to call you a friend. dont forget that. if its one thing im good at, its talking. no matter what, i will always be willing to talk. yeah i get that im annoying and talk too much sometimes, but i will shut up and listen to you if you need it, then i might even talk and tell you what i think. as retarded as my opinions may be, it might help, or it might not, but il try my best!

and now, i really dont know what im going on about anymore. its one of those nights where im just like, i dont know what the fuck to do. i feel like a useless fuck and no one gives half a shit. dont even try to tell me you care, i know you dont. you tell me that youre always there for me, blahblahblah, but look at what youre saying, is any of it even true? i thought we were friends :( friends are weird things that hang around and help you out when you need it, and thats what i need now, a true friend. one with no liees, no hidden anything. just one thats honest. and thats why i have you :)

sometimes, its just one thing that changes everything. one single little thing. im not sure about you, but theres definitely one thing in my life that has made a massive change in my life. sometimes, its a bad change, sometimes its a good change. im not sure if mines a bad or a good. at times, i hate that theres been a change, other times, i think that things happen for a reason. that everything that we do or are given or arent given, has a purpose. maybe it does, maybe it doesnt. sometimes, it makes me want to give up, but its also what makes me hold on. its the reason i wake up everyday and think to myself, i have to do this.

maybe, this is something i have to do.

on my own.